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Put your pounds away! FTF's cheapskate columnist explains how to get into one of London's most intriguing and educational events, as well as where to find Christmas cheer.

They must bow to an imaginary altar. They cannot cross the red lines painted on the floor. They may, however, drink alcohol at any time. And they frequently abandon their good manners in favor of shouting insults.

Where in London could your family go to watch the traditionally kind and patient English turn into a madding crowd? Arsenal football stadium maybe, but I wouldn’t recommend it. How about paying a visit to the most distinguished public institution in the country: the Houses of Parliament?

The greatest free show in town can be seen and heard when Parliament is in session, between October and July.

House of Commons

The British form of government is baffling to many. The monarch is the Head of State, but the real power lies with Parliament. The authority to enact legislation and control the national finances is held by the “lower” chamber, The House of Commons.

Visitors are allowed to sit in the public gallery of the Commons, officially known as The Gallery for Distinguished and Ordinary Strangers. To gain entry, join the public queue outside St Stephen’s Entrance located at the center of the Palace of Westminster, opposite the east end of Westminster Abbey. Long lines, from one to two hours, are common, especially if there is a crisis or scandal on the agenda. Once admitted, you should feel privileged—the Queen herself is not allowed to enter the House of Commons.

Watching British democracy in action is a unique experience. The English people are ritualists, and they enjoy ceremony. And they do it with more regard and dignity than any other nation. Thus, it is not a surprise that parliamentary customs have not changed in centuries, and they are observed faithfully.

Each Commons sitting opens with the Speaker’s ceremonial entry. Without the Speaker’s presence, no business may be conducted, for no one else has the power to invite Members of Parliament (MPs) to speak. On entering and leaving the House, the MPs must bow towards the Speaker, but not to him. There was an altar behind the throne in old days, and they are bowing to the altar.

The MPs must not cross the carpet separating the Government and Opposition benches. They may, however, take a pinch of snuff from the coffin-like box in which the doorkeeper sits. Ever heard of the expression “Drunk as a Lord”? Westminster, being a royal palace, is not governed by any licensing laws.

Notice how understatements, measured insults and mockery are used widely and skillfully. Since a procedural handbook does not permit harsh accusations, MPs are left to their own devices. (Quick-thinking Winston Churchill once avoided saying “liar” by using “terminal inexactitude.”)