I don't exactly remember what we were doing when we heard the news. A major earthquake had rocked Turkey; we would learn later just how devastating it was, how profound the loss of life. My wife and I froze. I do remember our disbelief as we came together in front of the TV to watch CNN. We must have been getting ready for work, half listening to the news as we prepared for our day.

In Turkey, we were touched at the ways in which our daughters provided a connection to the people, a bridge to the culture and society. As parents, we somehow became more "real" in the eyes of the Turks – we weren't just people. Now we realized that many of the people we met, laughed with and with whom we stayed up late drinking tea and discussing the problems of the world were dead or homeless, and certainly grieving for their losses.

But who would care about Turkey if it weren't for the tragedy? Is it too "exotic," too distant and, thus, unlikely ever to be visited, especially with kids in tow? I don't think so.

An Earthquake Awakens the World

I was touched and surprised by a recent news item from that venerable travel guru, Arthur Frommer (Daily Newsletter, Sept. 1, 1999), that began, "Plan your trip for Turkey for next year and help their economy as they struggle to rebuild. Our hearts go out to the citizens ... and what better way to pay tribute than by going there next year?"

Even if Turkey isn't in anyone's immediate travel plans (a mom once told me that a trip to McDonald's was all she could manage with her three kids), I know our readers don't just live by "Golden Arches" or local beaches. Many parents have a healthy curiosity about other parts of the world. Greece, Russia or the United Kingdom may not be on your family's immediate travel agenda, but that doesn't preclude the possibility of going to one of these countries some day – or just wanting to know something about them, such as how people bring up their children or how they celebrate birthdays.

Turkey, a much misunderstood country, has very strong family traditions and values. Sadly, the only images many Americans have seen from Turkey are those associated with pain and destruction. We wanted to present another snapshot of this fascinating and beautiful country that so few of us know anything about.

Istanbul, Gateway to Turkey

It's twice the size of New York and is remarkably free of crime – safer, perhaps, than most major American cities. If you've never been to a Middle Eastern metropolis, this may be the one to visit first. Perhaps your first glimpse will be the skyline at dusk. You'll never forget it. Slender, illuminated minarets pierce the sky, and the domes of the Haghia Sophia, once Christianity's most splendid site, shimmer in the glow of the city's lights.

Yes, the streets wind and twist and sometimes the din of traffic is maddening, but there's little or no rudeness, very few belligerent voices and enough English spoken to make the city's cafés, fruit peddlers and savory restaurants accessible and fun. The Tourist Police go out of their way to accommodate travelers, and taxi drivers are unfailingly proud of their city and very eager to please.

A City of Wonders

What makes Istanbul unique is the mix of styles. The stalls and shops of the huge Grand Bazaar and Egyptian Market are exciting kaleidoscopes of colors. Beautiful hand-woven carpets, bags of spices, song birds, inlaid furniture, mounds of multi-colored Turkish sweets, gold and silver wares and jewelry – to name just a few things – are laid out for sale in the jostling but never threatening market. But there's also a strong sense of the "West" or Europe in the dress and discos and general ambiance. Mobile phones, for example, are ubiquitous. Faxes go through as easily as they do in the States, and clean, public toilets are more readily available than in most U.S. cities.

My family and I particularly appreciated the green places in Istanbul, places to rest and take in the sights and sounds. The museums, especially the Turkish and Islamic Arts Museum, are quiet oases usually set in palaces or exquisite homes from the Ottoman Empire.

Remarkably, the Blue Mosque (named for the lovely, cool blue tiles that ring the light and airy interior) with its six slender minarets wasn't harmed in the earthquake. Neither was the Haghia Sophia, a Byzantine architectural wonder that became a mosque after the Ottoman conquest. Today, it's a museum, and very impressive. Some say it rivals St. Peter's Basilica in Rome.

Does this matter in light of the human loss of life? I've always been touched by the comments of Alberto Giacommetti (1901-1966), the famous Swiss-born sculptor, who said that if the Louvre were burning, he would save the caretaker's cat before any of the art. Not that we celebrate the survival of these wonderful monuments more than we regret the loss of life, but rather we celebrate what can be celebrated, and these are beautiful places that help define this special city and shape the spirits of the people.

A City of Faith and Friendship

The Islamic call to prayer drifts over the city five times a day because Turkey is an Islamic country, but it is very secular. Kemal Ataturk, the father of modern Turkey, was determined to make Turkey into a Western-looking republic. Almost no one wears traditional Islamic dress – the kinds seen in Saudi Arabia. My daughters quickly pointed out how stylishly the women dress. On the beaches along the turquoise Mediterranean coast, it's not unusual to see skimpy bikinis (and some bare-breasted women). And in the city, the concerns of Turkish parents are not unlike those of their counterparts in Western countries.

Berna Ozargun is the mother of two boys whose challenges as a mom lay in bringing them up while living in the middle of one of the world's major metropolises. "Living in a city of 14 million people, getting our kids to school and their safety crossing streets was a big concern," she says. "They left at 7 in the morning and returned at 4, so there wasn't much time for play."

Compulsory education in Turkey has been extended to include the eighth grade, with many Turkish families electing to educate their children beyond that. Although Ozargun has lived in the United States for the last year, she remembers well the close network of parents she belonged to when her boys were in school. "There were always parents getting involved in activities, like the parents' associations here in the United States. We baked things, helped with activities and supported each other. Parents really do look out for one another in my country."

Turkish Traditions Live On

This impulse to help neighbors and friends, to share, is a strong thread in the Turkish social fabric – a trait that is helping the victims of the earthquake survive and will help them heal. The people united are doing more than the government could ever do, it seems.

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A Taste of Turkey

The next best thing to going to Turkey is to sample its cuisine. Turkish food is a delightful mix of Eastern and Western influences. More savory than hot, it's a deeply satisfying mix of spices and herbs.

In my hometown of Boston, Massachusetts I recommend:

Istanbul Cafe
37 Bowdoin St., Beacon Hill 02144
617/227-3434
Chef Huseyin Akgun features specialties from throughout Turkey. Try the Sigara Borek, a light pastry stuffed with feta cheese and mixed with parsley and egg. Or the beef or chicken kabobs with special yogurt sauces served over rice pilaf. They play great Turkish CDs at the Istanbul Cafe, creating a relaxing ambiance.

Sultan's Kitchen
116 State St. 02109
617/570-9009
Savvy diners who have eaten at the award-winning Sultan's Kitchen celebrate the Yogurt Lu Kebab. Since 1981, chef/owner Ozcan Ozan has been making this Turkish delight with the tenderest lamb, spiced up with his secret yogurt and garlic sauce. Ozan then serves the dish over chopped pita bread and adds a light tomato sauce. Chock Uze! Very good!

Other favorite dishes are the Chicken Artichoke, and the multi-course Meze dish, a medley of vegetarian delights. Pick up Chef Ozan's recipe book, The Sultan's Kitchen, at the restaurant. Open Monday - Friday, 11am - 8:30pm and Saturdays 11am - 4:30pm.

Music From Turkey

Turkish music is a rich mix of powerful vocals and instrumental virtuosity. Bill Williams, the head of the World Music Department at Tower Records in Cambridge, tells us that Tower has some 30 Turkish and Persian (Iranian) CDs and cassettes. Some favorites are Omar Faruk Tekbilek's, one of Turkey's most prominent recording artists, One Truth and the CDs released by Tarkan, one of Turkey's cutting-edge pop-dance artists, whose music represents what Williams calls "the new, European Turkey."

The Arts of Turkey

The Museum of Fine Arts
465 Huntington Ave. 02115
617/267-9300
The Museum of Fine Arts in Boston has a strong Asian and African section, especially the Iznik display from the town in Turkey that provided the blue tiles used in the Blue Mosque. Feridum Ozgoren is a Turkish artist living in Boston who adapts traditional ebru (marbling) into large-scale compositions. A handful of Ozgoren's works will be displayed in the MFA's Islamic Corridor.

Please email me at Kaleel@familytravelforum.com with your family's favorite Turkish restaurants